You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops til it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
Not our last days of silent screaming blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you - (this line in particular breaks my heart...)
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back don't think just do (i pasted this and for the first time i really heard it)
More than anything I want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
(....i would not be able to write a single drop of my novel/script if not for this song. that’s actually not true..but this song helps enormously )
2:14 am.
it’s funny how sometimes you stumble upon things.
things you’d let go of, things you’d taught yourself to fear.
and instead of fear they provide a small bit of peace.
I wish i could elaborate but the truth is that i am writing this post for me. not for the one or two persons that may read this blog. just for me.
Life it seems needs its bits of chaos.
I’ve had mine.
and understood others.
and in the end i suppose some bit of love survives the madness and that comforts the many thousand bits of me that will never stop being a romantic.
so tonight i am grateful for vanilla.
In it’s classic grace it has a strength that chocolate could never have.
and yes i know this makes no sense to anyone.
.... well except to “you”
Tried but failed
wandering through the hall
grasping at door knobs
looking for ideas
i need something to pretend is mine.
I need a bit of genius to plagiarize
or an unoriginal idea to dress up in newness
I wrestle with this pen.
made up of keys on a keyboard
and a sheet of paper on a pixel based display.
I've tried but failed
i've had many triumphs but none have survived reality.
they were doing fine in my head.
i should have remembered to close the door behind me when i left.
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some days
some times
months later
it still hurts.
and what’s worse, it sneaks up on me.