About once a month, when the "where are they now" itch strikes me I pop over to myspace, hi5, and facebook and look at the profiles of a handful of ex-girlfriends, some of who have made it clear that they would have very much liked to remain friends with me post break-up.
A line from the short film Hotel Chevalier found a spot in my mental drawer of "why didn't i write that" phrases. In a dialogue familiar to anyone who's had an acrimonious split Girl says to Boy "I don't ever want to loose you as my friend" and Boy replies "i promise, i will never be your friend, ever."
So the post break up friendship. especially after a long or significant relationship versus the two week casual one with the girl you met on myspace and took to see "Knocked Up" once before having mediocre sex a couple of times. She's the easy one to keep in touch with. Nothing was ever really at stake, so the friendship settles in naturally. But what's the motivation, the key to the post X year relationship friendship?
I think one natural motivator is a interest in that persons narrative. You bear witness to it throughout the relationship and regardless of how chaotic the break-up, as the years begin to pass you find yourself wondering what's happened in that narrative since you stopped being a regular viewer. So that usually meant one of two things, asking a mutual friend or making the occasional phone call to see how that person's narrative is going.
Enter: Online, Social Networking, Blogging
I'm not friends with my ex's because i don't need to be. I can follow up on a loose cliff notes version of their lives without having to so much as smile in their direction. I have a general sense of if they're doing well, if their dating, and how work is. Hell on any given site even friends comments can tell me whether she's watched any good movies recently or where she spent her holidays. There's pictures and journal entries, and after 5 mins, once a month, i carry on, having satisfied my curiosity but not having made the emotional effort or investment to build a friendship with ex's, some of whom bluntly broke my heart.
So:
Girl: I hope we can be friends
Boy: I will never ever be your friend, but i may friend you on facebook so i can see your profile and find out what you're up to without having to really interact with you.
Girl: ok. i guess i'll read your blog and leave occasional comments.
Boy: fine.
UPDATE: One of the profiles i wrote about in this post has now been made private. coincidence?
If i had the inclination to do so i'm sure i could go through the last two years of blog posts and find a definite pattern in my usage of time.
on the one hand I have since i graduated college in 2004 lived a blissful unencumbered by daily schedule existence. A freelance existence. Sat and Sunday are no more days off than Thursday afternoon if i feel like it. I don't have an office or employer to report to, and i have enough savings that most of the time i have enough to at the very least get by.
On the other hand all this freedom leaves waaaaay to much room for my old habits and demons to emerge, I am prone to both bouts of Consumerism (buying shit) and 24/7 sprees of co-habitation with whomever my significant other is at the time. Which leads to the occasional post where i bitch about feeling aimless, lost, or stuck.
The freelancers dilemma is not unique to me, Much has been written about the importance of giving yourself a schedule, getting dressed to go to work in the morning even if work is in your home office or on the living room couch with your laptop. And as the months tick by i've become aware that i really do need to take that advice to heart. Far too much time has been spent waiting on things to happen to me, or fall in my lap.
And i fear that if i don't start filling my time with specifics i'll waste it all on ambiguity.
slow start but feb 2nd seems like a good day to break the silence
0 comments Posted by in.a.tryptic.set at 11:15 AMSo 08. Good so far, i got married, built a car from scratch, saved a bug (i think it was a ladybug) from drowning. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your views of marriage and ladybugs none of the above is true. It just felt colourful to write. (p.s. i hate that my spell check marks coloUrful as incorrect, i wonder if British version of MacOs do the same)
In other news i would like to suggest that anyone interested in smiling watch "Juno" and then do as i did and listen to the soundtrack compulsively for days and days on end and marvel at Kimya Dawsons ability to string words into smile inducing patterns.
in 18 days i get my second tattoo. All my friends were right. It is addictive.
and finally i have bought and sold countless friends for profit and the human right organizations still don't have a clue*
*facebook app: sell your friends ROCKS...