the more time passes, the more she becomes a stranger i once loved.
given enough time i imagine it will feel like remembering a dream.
a dream of being in love one with a tall albanian girl who liked being held.
I only just found out, she passed away in dec. We both moved back to Mexico from nyc at about the same time, late 2006, and the last i saw her was after i came back from spain in April of 2007, after that we lost touch, but she was always in the back of my mind, wondering when we'd cross paths, Today i finally sent her an email, but it was bounced back, so i looked her up on facebook, and saw an facebook group in her memory. Death has never ever felt so real as it does right now. I've known people that have passed before, casual friends, extended family, parents of friends, etc, but i was always somewhat insulated from the full impact by a slight degree of seperation. Cosette...well...it was an almost was that became a friendship over the course of 2006. I'd been missing her for months now, thinking, looking forward to finally calling her up and catching up, I miss her all the more terribly knowing that i will never be able to.
I'd never really given too much thought to death, to what happens next, all i know is that if in some shape or form we carry on, there is now one person i look forward to coming across,
"Your whole life, people are gonna ask you to be weak. They're gonna practically beg you. But all anyone really wants is for you to be strong." - The Hottest State
two years ago i met a woman who, in breaking my heart, would teach me that lesson.
When i was with her, i allowed myself to be vulnerable, to strip down to my trembling broken self.
I saw everyone of her fears when i looked into her eyes. I could see the beautiful girl who wanted to be brilliant and was terrified of being shallow. I saw to the very core of her and because of it i thought i loved her and because of it i let her see just how broken i was then and there.
But people don't want weakness, they want strength, quiet strength, subtle and open perhaps, but strength.
That subtle balance between openness and fortitude.
Things ended with her, as these things tend to do, and not long ago she suggested we meet for coffee. I confess that whilst appealing, seeing her would also be like walking into that room of people that saw you show up naked to school in your dream.