pixelated.me

He should’ve hated it,
any of his ex gf’s who’d watched him with mild disgust as he picked the pickles from his McDonalds cheeseburgers would attest to that.
they would also attest to the fact that he refused to order the cheeseburger without pickles.

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Today is Blog Action Day, The purpose of which is to bring the enviroment to the forefront of people's minds through blogs. As my blog has a rather small readership somewhere between 2 and maybe 10 it occurred to me to almost not write anything about the environment. When blogs like lifehacker, google blog, etc are writing about this what sense is their in me doing so.

but then i realized that in a way that reflects the very same attitude most people have about their environment, there is a profound sense of impotence that keeps us from acting.

I live in Mexico City a large, chaotic city of some 20,000,000+ inhabitants. It can be very frustrating to see just how little everyone else seems to care about the other 19,999,999+ people they share this metropolis with.

My sister who upon watching An Inconvenient Truth decided that amongst other things she would start separating her organic and inorganic trash was disillusioned when upon handing said separated trash to the garbage man saw him toss both bags into the same mix. She still separates her trash and perhaps one day she'll watch the trash man take note of her separation. It really is about making the little efforts that i believe will have a cumulative effect one day. It's about not letting ambivalence cloud our attitude.

Small choices can have small impacts and thats better than no impact. My sister keeps separating her trash and that reminds me to do what i can in my own life to minimize my impact on our environment.
I realize that what i have written are neither new nor revolutionary ideas but i write it because if in doing so one reader decides he or she will change her light bulbs, or shut of the water whilst brushing their teeth, then that will make a tiny dent in the problem.

and though i rarely write about technology in this blog it is very much a part of my life. Technology products sadly use materials that are horrendous for our environment. Mercury and Lead top that list. So i urge all 5 or 6 of you who read this to take a second look at that computer or cell phone you're considering tossing in the trash. Technology can be given wonderful second life's as machines dedicated to singles uses.
That 6 year old PC or Mac can't keep up for most new computing task but can still make an excellent web browsing terminal that can be set up for guest or children to use. Consider installing Ubuntu which is for most people with a decent understanding of computer a fairly painless task. It will give that old computer a a new lease and keep it from ending up in a trash dump.

on fucking too loudly: is it really that big a deal. I mean really what is it about hearing other people engage in what is essentially a fairly positive activity that gets us all rilled up? I mean do we mind if we hear the neighbors laugh? I think it bothers people because it forces us to comfront the reality that people fuck, our neighbor, our teachers, the cop, the waitress, the starbucks barista, the old woman in apartmen 4c, they all at some point or another fuck, probably, and that idea is somehow uncomfortable, so really when the downstairs neighbor yelled at the top of her lungs for us, (us being me and gf) to shut the fuck up, it was less so because of the noise of one woman moaning and more because it triggered some deep seated issue with acknowledging that you live in a big fucking city, in apts crammed side by side and yes on any given day people are having sex in your building, sometimes loudly, sometimes at 4 in the afternoon, having forgotten to shut the window that opens onto the central airshaft.

UPATED

1:30 am Mexico City
2:30 am New York City
11:30 pm Los Angeles
8:30 am Madrid

and i'm awake. somewhat bored. a mixture of sleeplessness combined with a stuborness to acknowledge the weariness in my body.
i've spent minutes that felt like more browsing my flickr contacts, a girl in brazil with a thing for posting pictures of her meals just makes me hungry, another girl who seems to post more pictures of cross proccessed film than anyone possible could just make me feel uncreative, nothing really moves me in any direction.
I contemplate porn, maybe i'll jerk off and go to sleep.
it's that peculiar non horny somewhat blase masturbation, it's a in lieu of a wam cup of milk, it almost always about as exciting as a half stiffled sneeze at best.

I point my browser to a website that is sort of like a blog that covers sex and not just porn, a site i might look at perhaps a couple of times a month, if that, since it usually such a cluster fuck of sex related news that it ends up as more "oh?" than "OH!"

tonight though at
1:35 am Mexico City
2:35 am New York City
11:35 pm Los Angeles
and 7:30 am London

i am struck by the most peculiar cluster fuck of emotion i've experienced in quite a while, there smack dab on the front page, top link, main page, front fucking headline if you will, is my ex-gf, THE ex-gf (the THE being there to emphasis the nearly 5 years we spent together) and she's half laughing as she holds onto a balloon dildo.

"oH?!?"

curiosity being the callous bitch that she is i clicked through to the link, all told by

1:40 am Mexico City
2:40 am New York City
11:40 pm Los Angeles
and 4:40 pm Sydney
time

i'd also seen the briefest but recognizable 2 sec glimpse of video of what appears to be her facial expression as she fucks or is fucked or who knows.

Having been somewhat aware of some of the choices regarding her...sexual history after we split i wasn't entirely surprised,

no, you see the shock, the big fucking holy fuck moment of it all is that a year after i stopped giving much of a shit, a year after i stopped reading her all too explicit sex blog, a year after i stopped..."looking" i stumble face or more accurately cock first into her and her NYC sex pot lifestyle,

and it occurs to me that the internet, just became a really, really , really small fucking place.

and i don't fucking like it, not one bit.

i think a fella should be able to look at porn and have about as high probability of seeing his ex-gf as that of winning the lottery? which last i checked where about 1-in-13983816.

I will admit most people don't get ex-gf's quite like mine, most break-ups feature at worst the awkward post break up "running into your gf with her new bloke on the street, or in the shop" moments. Most blokes don't have to worry about browsing for porn and seeing your ex gf face moan a silent "fuck" as she has her hair pulled back while she's on all fours.

small fucking place this internet, i miss stealing playboys when i was 14, it was much simpler.

p.s this is really one of those post where i'd LOVE to read a comment here and there. ;-)

p.s. 2: after a careful forensic analysis it appears i was mistaken, the video in question isn't of her, just one of those fucked up similarities. you know you see a face in a crowd and think it's your childhood crush and then realize it was just an emo boy with sun glaring off of him...alas it's still a small fucking internet though ;-)