pixelated.me

UPATED

1:30 am Mexico City
2:30 am New York City
11:30 pm Los Angeles
8:30 am Madrid

and i'm awake. somewhat bored. a mixture of sleeplessness combined with a stuborness to acknowledge the weariness in my body.
i've spent minutes that felt like more browsing my flickr contacts, a girl in brazil with a thing for posting pictures of her meals just makes me hungry, another girl who seems to post more pictures of cross proccessed film than anyone possible could just make me feel uncreative, nothing really moves me in any direction.
I contemplate porn, maybe i'll jerk off and go to sleep.
it's that peculiar non horny somewhat blase masturbation, it's a in lieu of a wam cup of milk, it almost always about as exciting as a half stiffled sneeze at best.

I point my browser to a website that is sort of like a blog that covers sex and not just porn, a site i might look at perhaps a couple of times a month, if that, since it usually such a cluster fuck of sex related news that it ends up as more "oh?" than "OH!"

tonight though at
1:35 am Mexico City
2:35 am New York City
11:35 pm Los Angeles
and 7:30 am London

i am struck by the most peculiar cluster fuck of emotion i've experienced in quite a while, there smack dab on the front page, top link, main page, front fucking headline if you will, is my ex-gf, THE ex-gf (the THE being there to emphasis the nearly 5 years we spent together) and she's half laughing as she holds onto a balloon dildo.

"oH?!?"

curiosity being the callous bitch that she is i clicked through to the link, all told by

1:40 am Mexico City
2:40 am New York City
11:40 pm Los Angeles
and 4:40 pm Sydney
time

i'd also seen the briefest but recognizable 2 sec glimpse of video of what appears to be her facial expression as she fucks or is fucked or who knows.

Having been somewhat aware of some of the choices regarding her...sexual history after we split i wasn't entirely surprised,

no, you see the shock, the big fucking holy fuck moment of it all is that a year after i stopped giving much of a shit, a year after i stopped reading her all too explicit sex blog, a year after i stopped..."looking" i stumble face or more accurately cock first into her and her NYC sex pot lifestyle,

and it occurs to me that the internet, just became a really, really , really small fucking place.

and i don't fucking like it, not one bit.

i think a fella should be able to look at porn and have about as high probability of seeing his ex-gf as that of winning the lottery? which last i checked where about 1-in-13983816.

I will admit most people don't get ex-gf's quite like mine, most break-ups feature at worst the awkward post break up "running into your gf with her new bloke on the street, or in the shop" moments. Most blokes don't have to worry about browsing for porn and seeing your ex gf face moan a silent "fuck" as she has her hair pulled back while she's on all fours.

small fucking place this internet, i miss stealing playboys when i was 14, it was much simpler.

p.s this is really one of those post where i'd LOVE to read a comment here and there. ;-)

p.s. 2: after a careful forensic analysis it appears i was mistaken, the video in question isn't of her, just one of those fucked up similarities. you know you see a face in a crowd and think it's your childhood crush and then realize it was just an emo boy with sun glaring off of him...alas it's still a small fucking internet though ;-)