pixelated.me

About once a month, when the "where are they now" itch strikes me I pop over to myspace, hi5, and facebook and look at the profiles of a handful of ex-girlfriends, some of who have made it clear that they would have very much liked to remain friends with me post break-up.

A line from the short film Hotel Chevalier found a spot in my mental drawer of "why didn't i write that" phrases. In a dialogue familiar to anyone who's had an acrimonious split Girl says to Boy "I don't ever want to loose you as my friend" and Boy replies "i promise, i will never be your friend, ever."

So the post break up friendship. especially after a long or significant relationship versus the two week casual one with the girl you met on myspace and took to see "Knocked Up" once before having mediocre sex a couple of times. She's the easy one to keep in touch with. Nothing was ever really at stake, so the friendship settles in naturally. But what's the motivation, the key to the post X year relationship friendship?

I think one natural motivator is a interest in that persons narrative. You bear witness to it throughout the relationship and regardless of how chaotic the break-up, as the years begin to pass you find yourself wondering what's happened in that narrative since you stopped being a regular viewer. So that usually meant one of two things, asking a mutual friend or making the occasional phone call to see how that person's narrative is going.

Enter: Online, Social Networking, Blogging

I'm not friends with my ex's because i don't need to be. I can follow up on a loose cliff notes version of their lives without having to so much as smile in their direction. I have a general sense of if they're doing well, if their dating, and how work is. Hell on any given site even friends comments can tell me whether she's watched any good movies recently or where she spent her holidays. There's pictures and journal entries, and after 5 mins, once a month, i carry on, having satisfied my curiosity but not having made the emotional effort or investment to build a friendship with ex's, some of whom bluntly broke my heart.

So:

Girl: I hope we can be friends


Boy: I will never ever be your friend, but i may friend you on facebook so i can see your profile and find out what you're up to without having to really interact with you.


Girl: ok. i guess i'll read your blog and leave occasional comments.


Boy: fine.

UPDATE: One of the profiles i wrote about in this post has now been made private. coincidence?