pixelated.me

I left mexico feb 7th 2007. Since then i have been in Belfast, NI, Madrid, Spain, Alcala, Spain (in an area known as Andalucia) and will soon board a train for Barcelona.
In all this time i have tried to remain me whilst allowing for the newness of my surroundings to affect me.
It has been interesting but unsettling. Hence my title. I expected to find time to write, be creative and so far it has been everything i didn’t expect. I have rediscovered photography but have found little reason to work on my novel/script. Even when you try not to have expectations you inevitably have them. Something about this “lost” feeling has left me in the arms of some old habits. Meditating on past relationships. I have an odd fascination with the “anniversaries” of things. Even “not so pleasant” things. from the end of things or the beginnings of things that ended to the really trivial at times. for example: realizing that it’d been a year since....i saw U2 play in mexico which i actually realized because i missed a friends birthday that fell on near date. Which i suppose is ironic. But tonight i found myself thinking of feb 28th. The day that i was meant to leave madrid for mexico ( a departure that has now been delayed a bit) feb 28th is also the day i left mexico for nyc in 2006 and became acquainted with an american girl with piercing eyes and one hell of a smile who would tear me to shreds and from which i would learn to rebuild myself. She wrote two days ago to say hi. It seems...misplaced. like the hi between to old friends whom have lost touch. That is not the case with us. I can’t help but wonder what it is that she wants from me. It should be irrelevant. But in this slightly displaced state sitting in a living room in the old world i find that i do care. It is in part vanity but also curiosity..but none the less what a year it has been. I really do loath that even now these...women from my past can reach forth into my today and stir things up a bit. Frankly it doesn’t seem fair and i’d like to lodge a complaint with the proper ministry office.