pixelated.me

There's this end of the year thing going on in my head. This bit where i look back at '07 and realize that the whole year has just been played by ear, on impulse, and i'm a little tired of it.

I yearn to grab the metaphorical hammer and build something. Sweat and break of bits of myself into something. I've allowed myself to be entertained by the girl i'm dating or the not so new anymore flat that i've been slowly molding into a home, but i yearn for the days of over caffeinated writing to dull out the pain of the wounds made by my ex.

writing then was about surviving, about keeping my mind functioning even though it begged me to shut down, to dive into some fucking writers cliché of alcohol and drug use. To indulge my friend Artemio when he tried to convinced me that given my initials i really needed to drop acid with him.

I went to Belfast, Madrid, and Barcelona on impulse, i returned to my old stomping ground of nyc on impulse, i'm dating a stripper, on impulse.

Very little in my life has been deliberate this year and i crave a little, a lot.

I loath the idea of new year resolutions, mainly because i think its bullshit. My ex was big on them, we'd make up list and the whole nine yards.

It's now, with this mediocre bit of writing, this post on stagnation that i force new habits, that will become my new impulses.

writings a lonely fucking thing to do, which is probably why i've been putting it off.